You Owe Me a New Pair of Pants

The Efterklang show was amazing.
Absolutely lovely.

"Thank you so much... you are my favorite band...ever... just amazing..."
"Thanks..."
"I'm about to pass out."
"oh... what?"
I wish I was like those girls who felt his sweat spots.

die badezimmer-parade

la di da

and have fun being a neo-pagan tonight.

photopuke.

seeing as sean is currently orgasming over efterklang,
(and chances are, when we see them tomorrow,
we'll be the only people there,
there will be more people in the band than in the audience,
i will fall asleep, and sean will just jizz himself
over and over and over again
from how orgasmic the show will be,
stopping only to wake me up when i start drooling on him...)
we won't get anything that isn't
multi-coloured efterklang-flavoured vomit
out of him for the next 24 hours,
so i figure my post has to be somewhat coherent.

i have lovely picchas for youuuuuu allllll:



those are two of my favorite shots
from a shoot sean & i did with joyce
last week.

i also thought it would be fun
to post some pictures of bathroom graffiti,
which is one of those things that fascinates me.

i'm sure i'll have more photopuke tomorrow.

sometimes...i wonder if i'm a sympathetic character,
or...if everyone hates me.

what a strange predicament to be in.

i don't even know if i'm the hero or the villain here.
i try not to hate anyone, because i'm always
trying to imagine myself as the other person.

i just do it for fun, not because i'm trying
deliberately
to be "empathetic" or anything.

i just like to imagine what things would be like for anyone.
so it's hard for me to hate people.
i only hate people who are boring,
because it's no fun to imagine what it'd be like to be them.

here's two more pictures:

tea.

now while this is becoming the longest post ever,
let me say something about tea.
i love tea. i drink it a lot.
i have an epic tea set from japan.
one of my favorite dishes to make is a salmon cooked in white tea,
which is really expensive,
because i'll only buy the best salmon from whole foods.
white tea and salmon are both really good for your skin,
and i have terrible skin, so it can use all the help it can get.

anyway, i ended up in a mysterious small room today
after school
with all small collection of people
who were having a sort of tea party.
this is typical behaviour on my part,
because when i am i not just wandering into
random situations?

(of course, i imagine sean michael was not expecting me to be there,
but me and expectations rarely go together.)

the post is sooooooooo long.
i guess it's okay to have a long post very occasionally.
i'm very talkative today,
because i'm less depressed than usual.

...let's see how long that lasts,
lovely creature.

i...can't stop...this post must be longer!!!!!!!

this is the love of my life:

i will be done now
at the onset of misery.

AHHHHHH!!!!

The Giant Rooster

Walking to get ice cream at the farm is the only worthwhile thing in our town.




By the way, I hope you feel better.
Lunch is sad alone.
Well, regardless of my pariah dilemmas,
I hope you stop vomiting.

***Bonus! To distract you from your illness, here is my horrible, horrible, rushed English project. I got a few chuckles out of it... maybe.


*********BONUS********BO***NUBS********BONUS*********B*ONUS************

vomit.

i am a dying duckling today.

i watch my guts pour out of my mouth
and they drip orange onto the porcelain toilet.
everytime i open my mouth,
i'm petrified my food will be sucked through me backwards
in reverse digestion
until my sweater is stained with coke and peanuts and whatever else i've eaten.

one blink for yes, two blinks for no.

but that's kind of like what my mind is all the time.
sick sick sick.
until i vomit out all the wrong actions and words.
i hate myself.

i wish i was sexy and cute and less of a freak.
i wish i knew all the right things to say.

but i'm not and i don't.

"you got a fast car
i want a ticket to anywhere
maybe we can make a deal
maybe together we can get somewhere."

Old Photographs

"Ay Think We Has A Frenchman!"

Tonight, we all finally got together and watched the short films of David Lynch.
They say life is a series of peaks and troughs.
It's funny how things can change so quickly.
Ice will always melt I suppose,
but you never realize until it does.
I keep catching this feeling,
growing more curious with each passing day.

The people you love
and the people you care about
are not always the same.

connate sapience.

"a true opportunist to grab any chances with her fast response and connate sapience. should not be too mean to create hurting feelings for people around."

personality traits in engrish, funded in part by china wok take-out calendars and contributions from viewers like you. thank you.

i still have photographs from that photoshoot to put up, but i'm too ill to get out of bed. tragic, i know. so in honor of spring, i've decided to post this ancient picture of myself, that looks like it was taken in spring, but was actually taken in autumn.

what?

shut up, it makes sense. i have connate sapience.


i'm a little frightened of the length/natural texture of my hair in this photograph.

"HEY GUYS, I'M AN ARTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i can't tell if this post is more or less coherent than my usual bullshit. ho hum.

“with nobody in your bed, the night is hard to get through."

my tears have just dried up,
maybe i'll be okay tonight.

but there is something you need to know.
that "immature" phrase...

...well, i carved it into my skin
three years ago.

you say i don't know you,
but i've tried to know you.
i'm frightened to tell you i care about you at all,
because you alienate anyone who cares about you.

anyway.

i’ve a fur coat for a lover,
press against it under covers,
in the air, my still breath hovers,
not the exhale of another.

i stroke the fur, pretend it’s hair,
and i pretend that someone cares,
a girl or boy who’s lying there,
but i just cuddle empty air.

good nights, i pretend to smile,
i’ll be alright for awhile,
and my dreams still shall beguile,
(heaven for a somnephile).

but bad nights, always soft tears bring,
in silent requiem they sing,
i cannot have that pretty thing,
that angel-lover without wings.

i’ve a fur coat for a lover,
press against it under covers,
in the air, my still breath hovers,
not the exhale of another.

everything in the whole world has come together all at one single second,
and i’ve realized how alone i am.
i thought i could hide behind delusions and dreams forever.

no picture today.

"...and then we will FRAME THE PINECONE!"

This is what I did today:







You're wrong. I do feel things for other people. Those people just aren't in my life as much as I want them to be.
I caught it when you told me to lie down behind the fence, and when I did, all I saw was towering grain and a cloud painted on the blue sky.
I caught it again this afternoon when I was up in the tree house with James.
You can not judge me and call me a condescending elitist when you don't know me. I think only one person in the world has cared enough to see who I am.
The others... just see me as they choose to see me.
Chuck Palahniuk is immature.