there's a reason they don't let people like me into places like this.

reason 1:


reason 2:

i keep thinking, "why do i do this? i should be at home, writing the great american novel."
i think i'm going through my mid-life crisis.

Nikola Tesla

Hey, did you know that sharpie bleeds through paper towel and doesn't wash off?
This is now permanently written on my counter.

Uncalled For, Really

So I was walking in the hall today, and I was stuck behind these two slow walkers. They were holding hands and totally ugly, and obviously a new couple. So then one of their friends passed and said "Aww so cute!," and I thought "That's not cute. Those two are so ugly and together they just make it worse." (Admittedly some ugly people are cute together, if they are those quiet homely kids who everyone ignores but then they realize they can totally go out and it's cute. Although that's what I thought about Will and Emily, but seeing him rub her back and them butting heads in french class is nauseating. At least Pat dressed up in a Romeo costume and serenaded her with song on Valentines day. He also dressed like a robot and a pirate once. Wait, why does Emily have so many boyfriends?) But these were those fat gross pig people who smoke and tell unfunny jokes and talk really loud and walk really slow but take up the entire hallway.
And no, I'm not just bitter that I'm not an ugly couple whose friends taunt me but I ignore them because I am happy.
No, not at all.
No...

[insert bitch quote here such as "no one understands that it was promised I would be alone for the rest of my life". Fucking who gives a shit]

Remember that song "Girls and Boys" by Good Charlotte? They were a terrible band. But I remember sitting in my room when I was 11 listening to that song and thinking to myself "Girl's are bitches and guys are dicks. I'm staying single forever!"
Hey, shut the fuck up 11 year old me. You're right.

i feel like pinapple chunks trapped in gelatin.

photographs by oliver casimir.

(the last one looks best big-sized!)

i secretly love these things.

select answers.

6. thing(s) you spend a lot of money on?
plane tickets.

9. one favorite song?
right now i love fall saddles by why?, egowar by ggd, and private affair by the virgins.
note: i fail at following directions.

13. favorite mall store:
“alpaca connection” for all of my llama related needs.

21. biggest lie you have ever heard:
"i had sex in the nurses’ office.”

23. where's your favorite place to eat with friends?
where i come from in africa, we don’t believe in eating with other people. they could steal your soul.

24. can you cook?
yes. very well.

28. most disliked foods:
olives, they induce vomiting on my part.

29. thing you like most about yourself:
i’m…okay at drawing.

30. thing you dislike most about yourself:
everything.

34. can you sing?
no, they let us into advanced choir based on our ability to make terrariums out of popsicle sticks and hair gel. it really has nothing to do with vocal ability. trust me on this one.

45. do you smoke?
i would like to pose this question to anonymous group of my peers, and see what they think.

47. who sleeps with you every night?:
besides that fur coat, a stuffed dog named doggo.

48. do long distance relationships work?:
well, i for one have had relationships that cross the barrier between universes. if that isn’t long-distance, i don’t know what is.

49. how many times have you been pulled over by the police?
once recently. by a vampire policeman who was going to rape me because i saw the lights of a crime scene investigation from far away at night and thought it was a rave.

50. pancakes or french toast?
danish.

51. do you like coffee?:
caramel macchiatos.

59. what are you wearing right now?:
panties. and this forest shirt.

60. pick a lyric, any lyric:
don't worry dear pamela, i'll do my scientific best to command your fleet.

61. what kind of jelly do you like on your pb & j?:
raspberry or blackberry. or other queer flavors.

64. favorite ice cream?:
i’m lactose intolerant.

65. do you like maps?
wait! they don’t love you i like i love you.

71. what time did you wake up this morning?:
5:55 apparently.

72. best thing about winter?:
black ice is very lulzy.

76. do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
real pirates are kind of cool actually. like the indonesian pirates who steal tvs off yachts. are you getting the same future-career vibes from this that i’m getting??!?

78. birthdate:
february 1 1892.

79. what do you want to be?:
a boy. or lucky.

94. what is your favorite name?
for a girl, co-cheese. for a boy, GLaDOS

105. what are you going to do after this survey?:
fuck myself. repeatedly.

You've Been Hiding Among the Animals, You're Not the Same Anymore

I wasn't supposed to be there, really. Seventeen floors of bodies and liquor, leaving no place for me to be out of everyone's way. I slipped into a room I figured was empty. A short fat kid probably around my age was leaning over, dark little eyes sunk into his head, grinning from ear to ear, teeth too big for his mouth. There was another guy on the floor, this one with tiny silver glasses and a vacant expression, facing the ceiling. He pinched his nose as the first man shoved more beer down his throat.
"Drink more pledge! Hahah! Oh, I'm going to throw up."
"That is disgusting." I said as he hobbled towards me.
"What is?"
"You're fat."
"...What did you say??"
"Er, I mean, your fat is disgusting, I mean, no, um, fat people's puke is gross, I mean, you're gross, gah!" I tried to get it out, but I only stumbled over myself.
Suddenly I was against a wall, his fist hovering in front of my face.
"Are you saying my vomit is gross? JUST BECAUSE I'M FAT?"
"Well, no I mean, if you take two people, one being skinny and the other being, you know, of larger size, although I'm not saying you fit this category, this is purely hypothetical, but let's say these two eat the same amount, too much you see, and they both throw up, well, it's equally gross, it's the same thing really. But a larger person is going to have a larger stomach, so more vomit comes up, see? It's not that they are fat, it's just, well, there's more of a bad thing!"
"That is... such truth."
He let go of my shirt and I slipped back into the chaos of the party.

She stood in the middle of the bar, dressed in tribal robes and a shawl around her head. She held in each hand a long red string, with tiny golden bells attached every few inches. She swung these two strings around in large circles as her voice rose and her chilling wail filled the room. I was transfixed, but as she saw me, she began taking a step forward. Time moved slowly, my senses taking in every frame of time. As she glided past me out the door, she whispered,
"Sean, It's been such a long time.... hasn't it?"
And then she was gone.
Who was she? And how did she know my name?

But then I was alone in that room. A buzzing like the ambient white noise of an amplifier filled my ears. It hung in the air like a mist of electricity. I fell to the ground and yelled as loud as I could, but no one heard me. The sound ate my screams and soon faded away. I got up and brushed the dust off my clothes and went looking for you.

I continued to think about it as you babbled to me about your busy schedule and how you are not allowed to say "You made me jeez" in a school play. She and I had met in a dream before, I was meant to believe, one that I had forgotten.
Sometimes planes of existence cross.
And sometimes, TP pulls a sheet of fabric filled with thumb-tacks down on her face repeatedly.
(true story)

a nice post today.

sex in swenglish.

dahlinggggggggg.

this pictcha is saaaa gawgeous.

"don't i look like natasha khan?"
"...no, sean. you don't look a damn thing like natasha khan."
"well, if she was a boy and looked like me."

i'm so glad we're friends.
you can be such a silly creature.
you make me so happy.

:)

Technicolorxzxzzxzxzxz

HURRAY!!!
Our Memorial Day weekend photo special is finally ending! probably?
So I guess I'm in charge of the miscellaneous ones here...

Jill... put down the axe.... oh dear god no!

And now: Apathetic in Technicolor!!!!! FEATURING MACE WINDU ON SYNTH!!!!

Wow, it almost looks like you are having fun.

Oh wait, back to looking vampy.

Vhat ees "rave"? Vhat ees... "light"?

Bleh, photo-vomit over.

hot.

so then i took the gypsy boy prostitute back to my hotel in plovdiv.
i paid him for the night, but i had a very different kind of night in mind.
photography ensued.

hotttttttttt.

And It Continues....

gypsy rapist in tree!

in a bulgarian gypsy camp in 1981,

i managed to befriend this very adorable male prostitute,

and photograph him.

or something.

gypsy in tree will rape now?

oh. no wait, gypsy in tree will fuck now.

Mistress of the Field

As the Moon came high in its house,
Her song echoed through the fields,
calling the spirits to dance on her fingertips.