bat for lashes.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
hooray!!!! swine flu!!!!!!!!!!
wow wow wow
i am so fantastically motherfuckingly excited
for nothing, but if i wasn't like this
i would unfortunately die
because i am such an unbearable miserable creature inside!
i will never get what i want,
but that is okay,
because i pretend.
i am good at pretending.
i like to make up stories where everything
is as nice as it should be
and it makes me happy.
but maybe i am crazy.
i try not to wallow in my terrible misery...
that is so dreadfully boring.
because misery gets redundant.
like, i am always miserable about the SAME THING.
"The person in question was cool.
The person in question is probably drunk right now."
at least when you are excited, really for no reason,
you can come up with more than one thing to be excited about.
right now,
i am sooooooooo excited about swine flu!
i just love pandemics!!!!!!
and it could be in our area!
even though it is so not terrible, and not even worth thinking about,
it's still so fucking fabulous i can't even stand it.
yay!
am i coherent? testing one two three
i like to ramble, sometimes in german.
if i can continue to think of new words to write down,
i won't have any space to think about how much
i'm dying inside.
pills pills pills
“They taste like candy to me so i popped them one after one after one after one after one.”
thank god i have a creature named sean to take everything out on. i don't think he even realizes how much i probably emotionally abuse him.
“It's like if you wanted a porn musical.
...Oh God, porn musicals.
This is the worst thing my brain has created.”
ego sum miser.
i am so fantastically motherfuckingly excited
for nothing, but if i wasn't like this
i would unfortunately die
because i am such an unbearable miserable creature inside!
i will never get what i want,
but that is okay,
because i pretend.
i am good at pretending.
i like to make up stories where everything
is as nice as it should be
and it makes me happy.
but maybe i am crazy.
i try not to wallow in my terrible misery...
that is so dreadfully boring.
because misery gets redundant.
like, i am always miserable about the SAME THING.
"The person in question was cool.
The person in question is probably drunk right now."
at least when you are excited, really for no reason,
you can come up with more than one thing to be excited about.
right now,
i am sooooooooo excited about swine flu!
i just love pandemics!!!!!!
and it could be in our area!
even though it is so not terrible, and not even worth thinking about,
it's still so fucking fabulous i can't even stand it.
yay!
am i coherent? testing one two three
i like to ramble, sometimes in german.
if i can continue to think of new words to write down,
i won't have any space to think about how much
i'm dying inside.
pills pills pills
“They taste like candy to me so i popped them one after one after one after one after one.”
thank god i have a creature named sean to take everything out on. i don't think he even realizes how much i probably emotionally abuse him.“It's like if you wanted a porn musical.
...Oh God, porn musicals.
This is the worst thing my brain has created.”
ego sum miser.
Les Miserables
The short blonde Nazi boy led Cossette through the twisting concrete hallways of the camp. Despite surviving the sickening railcar, thin from hunger, sad eyes staring determined from behind her tassled hair, she still towered over the other prisoners, regal and proud. The soldiers had dressed her in a ball gown, and attempted to put makeup on her. They knew a lot about foundation for men. The squeeky little man stopped at her door, and turned to face her with his devilish smile.
"So here is the room where you will be kept here, and where your punishment for being a dirty Jew will take place," he lisped.
He opened the door and they walked inside.
"Small isn't it? Yes, not very much room to move around in at all. Like, no closet space. And you know... the DRAPES DON'T MATCH THE BEDSPREAD!!!"
Cosssette pulled back in horror.
"Oh oh oh, but you don't WANT it to match the spread, oh no. You see this horribly tacky floral print we have on the drapes....? Well, like, the sheets are fuckin' EVEN WORSE!!!"
"The horror!"
"This is your punishment! You must stare at this gaudy and clashing interior decorating and there's nothing you can do about it!"
And then I woke up.
I don't know why I keep having dreams about a Jewish family and flamboyantly gay French Nazis.
I keep getting closer and closer.
Like a duck paddling to the moon's reflection.
I'll never get what I want.
When I was up at 3am, sleep failing me,
realizing my life was empty and meaningless,
Katy talked to me, drunk and fucked.
She was alone too.
And so I felt less alone.
Together, all of us, we are worthless.
How many times have I been alone with someone,
when they turn to me to say,
"Have you ever felt so... lost... so
empty,
that all you want to do is die?"
So many car rides, walks on the beach, talks under the stars
that all lead to the same question.
Does everyone feel this way?
I think we should all get together,
bake a big cake, a pink cake, with white frosting.
And we'll take it and ride the Carousel,
around and
around and
around.
BUT THEN I REMEMBER IM GOING TO SIX FLAGS TOMORROW!LG&%RJGI74GR9WGF9W
G9FG49G49NC74T7BY%@^$R7CGWN97Y4R8YGUBH329YS09CHSBF9W7FGVS!!!!!!!!!!!
"So here is the room where you will be kept here, and where your punishment for being a dirty Jew will take place," he lisped.
He opened the door and they walked inside.
"Small isn't it? Yes, not very much room to move around in at all. Like, no closet space. And you know... the DRAPES DON'T MATCH THE BEDSPREAD!!!"
Cosssette pulled back in horror.
"Oh oh oh, but you don't WANT it to match the spread, oh no. You see this horribly tacky floral print we have on the drapes....? Well, like, the sheets are fuckin' EVEN WORSE!!!"
"The horror!"
"This is your punishment! You must stare at this gaudy and clashing interior decorating and there's nothing you can do about it!"
And then I woke up.
I don't know why I keep having dreams about a Jewish family and flamboyantly gay French Nazis.
I keep getting closer and closer.
Like a duck paddling to the moon's reflection.
I'll never get what I want.
When I was up at 3am, sleep failing me,
realizing my life was empty and meaningless,
Katy talked to me, drunk and fucked.
She was alone too.
And so I felt less alone.
Together, all of us, we are worthless.
How many times have I been alone with someone,
when they turn to me to say,
"Have you ever felt so... lost... so
empty,
that all you want to do is die?"
So many car rides, walks on the beach, talks under the stars
that all lead to the same question.
Does everyone feel this way?
I think we should all get together,
bake a big cake, a pink cake, with white frosting.
And we'll take it and ride the Carousel,
around and
around and
around.
BUT THEN I REMEMBER IM GOING TO SIX FLAGS TOMORROW!LG&%RJGI74GR9WGF9W
G9FG49G49NC74T7BY%@^$R7CGWN97Y4R8YGUBH329YS09CHSBF9W7FGVS!!!!!!!!!!!
Film Noir
AFTER PROJECT SPECIAL!
Joan L'Arc.
IT'S JOAN D'ARC YOU IDIOT!
I'll see you in Disney Land.
I left the school and went out into the rain to catch the bus. I shouldn't have stayed so long talking, and the bus began to pull away. I chased after it, waving my arms and yelling frantically. The bus driver saw, of course, but didn't care to stop. I fell back into the grass which was quickly becoming mud, and stared straight up into the rain.
"This day was surely terrible. Yes, one of the worst on record. But the rain is so beautiful. It is so beautiful up."
Fabs was walking by, and upon seeing my laying by the side of the road, could have called the bus to come back for me, or even call the police (like the time I played dead on the playground). Instead, he kept right on walking. I got up and made my way home through the darkness.
"Three flashes of the light means it's safe to cross into Switzerland. Five beats of the drum means we can make peace."
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Try not to get caught in the light, run through the field. Finally, the Idol that must always face Buddha.
"I've found religion you know, in this Fertility Goddess. It is quite comforting. You should try it."
"What?"
"Religion. Look! There is a grasshopper on the lightswitch."
"It's beautiful."
"Let's take it apart."
And then I woke up.
Going to school in a suit changes everything. People are nicer to you. And when you pass in the hall, girls will say:
"There goes another one."
"Where? oh, I see it."
Things got better after we spoke. Even better than before, I mean.
An awkward touch, and part of me lives while part of me dies.
Do you want to know?
Do you want to know?
Do you want to know?
I want to build a Joan of Arc out of a matchstick.
Strike her head and watch it all burn down.
When you are tired and you are finally allowed to sleep,
the sound of the engine straining,
the wind through the half opened window,
the sweet air,
the birds nesting in tender leaves,
can be the softest touch.
I wish I could be Swedish triplets for you.
But alas, I cannot.
(although I went to school with two Norwegian twins who once made out under the slide)
Green means stop.
Joan L'Arc.
IT'S JOAN D'ARC YOU IDIOT!
I'll see you in Disney Land.
I left the school and went out into the rain to catch the bus. I shouldn't have stayed so long talking, and the bus began to pull away. I chased after it, waving my arms and yelling frantically. The bus driver saw, of course, but didn't care to stop. I fell back into the grass which was quickly becoming mud, and stared straight up into the rain.
"This day was surely terrible. Yes, one of the worst on record. But the rain is so beautiful. It is so beautiful up."
Fabs was walking by, and upon seeing my laying by the side of the road, could have called the bus to come back for me, or even call the police (like the time I played dead on the playground). Instead, he kept right on walking. I got up and made my way home through the darkness.
"Three flashes of the light means it's safe to cross into Switzerland. Five beats of the drum means we can make peace."
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Try not to get caught in the light, run through the field. Finally, the Idol that must always face Buddha.
"I've found religion you know, in this Fertility Goddess. It is quite comforting. You should try it."
"What?"
"Religion. Look! There is a grasshopper on the lightswitch."
"It's beautiful."
"Let's take it apart."
And then I woke up.
Going to school in a suit changes everything. People are nicer to you. And when you pass in the hall, girls will say:
"There goes another one."
"Where? oh, I see it."
Things got better after we spoke. Even better than before, I mean.
An awkward touch, and part of me lives while part of me dies.
Do you want to know?
Do you want to know?
Do you want to know?
I want to build a Joan of Arc out of a matchstick.
Strike her head and watch it all burn down.
When you are tired and you are finally allowed to sleep,
the sound of the engine straining,
the wind through the half opened window,
the sweet air,
the birds nesting in tender leaves,
can be the softest touch.
I wish I could be Swedish triplets for you.
But alas, I cannot.
(although I went to school with two Norwegian twins who once made out under the slide)
Green means stop.Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
a letter.
dear seansean,
good luck tomorrow, bitchhhh.
you'll do fine, because you're amazing,
and then you'll be done.
lucky.
love, jill.
Monday, April 27, 2009
typography.
this is what i do in math class.
i draw typographical designs, totally freehand.
i let myself have only one period per drawing.
i draw typographical designs, totally freehand.
i let myself have only one period per drawing.
in other news,
i wish i could remember when this
photograph was relevant to my life.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I Guess This Place Isn't So Bad
Instead of working on the huge project, and went outside for the first time in days.
It has finally gotten warm. I love weather. The forecast amuses me to no end.
Which deteriorated into:
SPRING HAS ME SPRUNG!!!!
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