hooray!!!! swine flu!!!!!!!!!!

wow wow wow
i am so fantastically motherfuckingly excited
for nothing, but if i wasn't like this
i would unfortunately die
because i am such an unbearable miserable creature inside!
i will never get what i want,
but that is okay,
because i pretend.
i am good at pretending.
i like to make up stories where everything
is as nice as it should be
and it makes me happy.
but maybe i am crazy.
i try not to wallow in my terrible misery...
that is so dreadfully boring.
because misery gets redundant.
like, i am always miserable about the SAME THING.
"The person in question was cool.
The person in question is probably drunk right now."
at least when you are excited, really for no reason,
you can come up with more than one thing to be excited about.
right now,
i am sooooooooo excited about swine flu!
i just love pandemics!!!!!!
and it could be in our area!
even though it is so not terrible, and not even worth thinking about,
it's still so fucking fabulous i can't even stand it.
yay!
am i coherent? testing one two three
i like to ramble, sometimes in german.
if i can continue to think of new words to write down,
i won't have any space to think about how much
i'm dying inside.
pills pills pills
“They taste like candy to me so i popped them one after one after one after one after one.”

thank god i have a creature named sean to take everything out on. i don't think he even realizes how much i probably emotionally abuse him.

“It's like if you wanted a porn musical.
...Oh God, porn musicals.
This is the worst thing my brain has created.”

ego sum miser.